Dear Love Column,

Help! I’m trying to attract a younger boy… Sometimes he seems really interested and other times, it’s like I don’t exist. Why is he so up and down? How can I get him to like me?

Sincerely,

SOS

Dear SOS,

You and many others have been faced with this problem in the past, as it’s hard to get a younger boy to commit. With my advice, I guarantee that you two will be a couple by homecoming. The trick is knowing what he likes. But do you know what almost everyone likes? Candy! Many boys are also fond of cars. I suggest that you surprise him and roll by Cleveland after school in your car, or van, and offer him candy. The trick to this gesture is hiding your face, so he won’t know who it is. This is how you can add a little mystery to your relationship! Another time-tested tradition is leaving a note in his locker. Super cute and super easy. Many boys are constantly talking about how they love the smell of freshly washed hair; so to make your note unique, include a little snippet of hair with the note! He’ll love it, because it will remind him of you every time he smells it, and want to smell more. Many couples joke around and tease each other casually during conversations. You know, when in between laughs they say, “Omg I hate you” and “Ugh, you’re the worse” as a joke. Take it up to the next level with your boy! Next time you are joking around, say, “I HATE YOU SO MUCH YOU DISGUST ME. YOU ARE THE LITERAL WORST.” Make sure you really yell, or you won’t get the joke across. The louder you are, the funnier it is. This will show him that you guys can act like a couple, and have the same jokes as people who are together.

Good luck!

Quinn Gonzales

Dear SOS,

What boys really like are girls that play hard to get. Try showing him that you’re completely uninterested, i.e. don’t flirt whatsoever, move to Idaho, invite him to your wedding, etc.  Something that really makes him feel like you have no interest in him. That’s how you get him! After that make sure that you keep up the act. Once he’s confessed his undying love for you, get a restraining order and make up wild rumors about him stalking you. He’ll be so in love, he couldn’t get over you if he tried! After that start giving him sly hints you like him, things such as “Talk to the hand” and “Whatever, creep.” During the wedding (trust me he’ll propose soon after THAT line), make sure to say, “I guess” during the “I dos.” it’ll make his heart skip a beat! I hope all goes well for you and your beloved!

Sincerely,

Jared Watson