We have a website?

Yes. The Cleveland Clarion does have a brand new, super sleek website. If you are reading this, you join the prestigious company of my two grandmas as the only people who actually knew that. And my dad’s mom doesn’t even own a computer, so she doesn’t really count (she’s old-fashioned). Last year, senior web editor Tucker Johnson left a baby on my porch with a note that read, “This baby is dying, but I gotta go to college…so it’s your problem now.” Since that fateful day, with help from Clarion adviser Andy Sorensen, and the inspiration gained from watching half of “Pursuit of Happiness” on TNT some random Tuesday night, I took on the responsibility to raise that baby. The finished product turned out to be the Cleveland Clarion online edition. So as a caring father, it makes me sad to see my baby is not getting the love and attention she deserves. And yeah, the website prefers the pronoun she! People, it’s the 21st Century. If you have a problem with that, you can get a lesson from SAFER–they meet every Wednesday in room 384. But anyway, back to my point. You don’t have to spend every living minute browsing the website. Just every now and then check it out and see what’s going on. Our Clarion staffers work very hard and we can’t fit every single article in the paper, so we put the rest online. These articles are made with the same quality and they are usually about YOU and feature pictures of YOUR shining faces. We also have a monthly poll question, sportscore updates, opportunity alerts for Cleveland students, and like I said, many extra pictures of the beautiful faces that make up this school. Check it out and see if you’re there! Because right now I could make this site as innappropriate as a private Instagram account and still wouldn’t get punished until after I graduate. So help keep me in check, I think you’ll actually be surprised at the quality of this high school newspaper website.

Pat Connaughton, Tim Frazier, anybody?

About a month ago, Congressman Earl Blumenauer and Senator Diane Rosenbaum paid a visit to Cleveland High School. Their mission was to inform students on how to register to vote for the upcoming elections. Now that is cool and all, but old politicians (I didn’t even know who they were) don’t get me, as a high school student, excited. You know what gets me excited? Professional athletes. More specifically, the Portland Trail Blazers. I don’t know about you, but if a Portland Trailblazer came to my school and gave me a speech about registering to vote, I’d go right out there that minute and flipping do it. Then I’d walk the dog, run a marathon, and clean the school toilets if he requested that of me too. I don’t even have a dog, but by golly I’d go find one and walk it. They probably even possess the power to inspire me to stop accidentally hitting immobile objects with my car. I think all high school students could use inspiration in that area. I’m getting tired of turning on the news and seeing Portland Trail Blazers visit every PPS school besides mighty Cleveland High. We don’t even need a star, just give us a solid to mediocre rotation player! Damian Lillard is a tough catch, but I’d totally take a Chris Kaman or a Phil Pressey. And if it’s not too hard to ask, throw in a Meyers Leonard for the ladies. You know who I want above all else though? The rookie out of Notre Dame and my hero, Pat Connaughton. Here is my deal to you Pat, if you’re reading this somewhere: If you visit Cleveland High, I will work in some shoutout to you in every one of my remaining columns. I swear on Jan Watt I will.

Football haters

Look, we all know the Cleveland football team is struggling, but do we really need to pile it on by making fun of them? And we’re all guilty of this, even myself at times. That’s why I think we need this reminder. Losing is never fun, but being ridiculed by your own school must make it feel so much worse. Also, how do we expect the team to get better and more athletes to try out for the team when the culture around the program is so negative? I know a lot of the football players and I know they work hard. Give them some recognition for that work they put in, don’t shame them. We need to stand with our classmates through thick and thin because we are all apart of and represent this school. The funny part is, it’s not like the other Cleveland sports teams are in much of a position to talk trash. Some of us might win league titles, but when is the last time somebody actually made noise at state? Nobody has since I’ve been here. The only people who have the right to talk smack are those on speech and debate and senior four-time state champion baton twirler, Ami Hawley. So until you actually go play and help the football team, or start twirling three batons at once, I suggest you sit yourself down.