Love Column: Triangle trouble

Quinn+Gonzales+and+Jared+Watson.+Evanne+O%27Sullivan+photo.

Quinn Gonzales and Jared Watson. Evanne O’Sullivan photo.

By Quinn Gonzales and Jared Watson, Reporter

Dear Love Column,

I’m in a hopeless love triangle–he says he likes me, but he is in a relationship. He told me he’s unhappy though. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

 

Sincerely,

A-cute Love Triangle

 

Dear A-cute Love Triangle,

If you believe he really belongs with you, there are many different ways you can make him your boyfriend. One way you can do this is by turning the tables on him! Make him the one who is single, by convincing his boyfriend/girfriend to start going out with you. Use your charm and good looks to snatch his partner and cause him to feel alone. Then, if you play your cards right, you can break up with your new partner, and get him back. It may seem counterintuitive, but trust me, it has worked for me all seven times I’ve found myself in your situation. If you don’t want to go this route, there are many other ways to get your man. If you make a grand gesture, you are almost guaranteed to have him in your arms. I suggest a classic move, used by many in the past. I think you should rent a billboard, and write a big “(your name) loves (his name).” Many boys love when their crush gets emotional and declares their love, because it shows that you care and that you are ready to take your relationship to the next level. I think you should rent out a billboard on Powell, and tell him how you feel. Better yet, put it up on the Cleveland reader board in the front of the school. As soon as he sees it, he will come running. You could also go the polar opposite route, and completely ignore him. It will show him how much he really needs you. In fact, the farther you distance yourself from him, the better. I had a friend who did this by moving to Maine, and she and her girlfriend were engaged less than a month later. I advise you to go to somewhere where he will really have to search to find you. Here’s an idea: you could live with some Eskimos in Alaska! It will be like a fun scavenger hunt for him. If you follow just one of my suggestions, you will have a new boyfriend in no time.

 

Good luck,

Quinn Gonzales

 

Dear A-cute Love Triangle,

Never go after a person in a relationship, no matter how bad it’s going. That just isn’t right.  Instead break them up, and make sure you’re right there to comfort him after the “terrible emotional split” happens!  One great way to break up the “lovely couple” (yuck) is sabotage! Try becoming close with the couple, and give them advice that will obviously screw them up. Things such as, “You guys should shave your heads together!” or “Don’t listen to that love column!”  When a similar thing happened to me, sabotage worked like a charm. I was hopelessly in love with this beautiful girl, but alas she was in a flourishing relationship. Three days and five plates of waffle fries later, she was in my arms, and I was one triumphant dude.  

 

Hope this goes well for you and your meant to be!

Sincerely,

Jared Watson