Dear Gwen & Cleo,

This guy and I have been friends for a while and I really like our friendship; we can talk to each other about so much, and always make each other laugh.  Recently, he has been kind of flirty, and I’m getting the feeling that he likes me, but I strictly like him as a friend. How do I make it clear that I don’t want to date without hurting his feelings or making it awkward?

Keeping it Casual

Gwen:

Drop hints about how much you “love” your friendship. It may sound annoying, but saying something like, “I love our friendship,” or “You’re such a special platonic person to me,” is a great way of letting him know you’re not feeling it. You could also tell him that you’re attracted specifically to house plants. If he doesn’t heed any of your subtle signals, you could confront the problem directly and talk to him honestly. Let him know that you really value him as a friend, and ask if there’s anything he wants to talk about. If he says he does have feelings for you, tell him you really care for him, but you want to keep him as a friend. This way, his ego won’t be bruised; it’ll actually be inflated, because you’ve told him he is just such an amazing friend. If he says he doesn’t, say, “Yeah right,” and never speak to him again. Best wishes!

Cleo:

It seems as though your friendship with him is important, so it’s essential that you let him down easy. If you’re unsure about his feelings for you, I would just ask him. Let him know that you have been getting these weird vibes from him, and you wanted to know if there were any unanswered feelings between the two of you. That way he can truthfully answer but he won’t feel put on the spot. If he tells you you’re imagining things and he doesn’t like you, then you’re off the hook! But, if he admits that he does have feelings for you, let him down easy. Just tell him that you like where you guys are in your friendship, and you don’t want to risk losing that. He will be disappointed, but he will likely understand. Give him a couple days to cool off, and then you can start to begin having casual conversations again. Not after too long, your friendship will be back to normal. Best of luck!